tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post3115404058875927199..comments2024-03-28T03:13:28.585-04:00Comments on Beauty, and What It Means: On Failure and the Contradiction of BeautyAutumn Whitefield-Madranohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-61639613772444340182015-04-11T02:10:41.008-04:002015-04-11T02:10:41.008-04:00You actually make it seem so easy with your presen...You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand.<br />It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!<br /><a href="http://tokoherbalacemaxs.com/obat-herbal-menurunkan-kolesterol-dan-trigliserida-tinggi/" rel="nofollow">Obat Penurun Kolesterol Tinggi</a> | <a href="http://tokoherbalacemaxs.com/obat-carpal-tunnel-syndrome-cts-herbal/" rel="nofollow">Obat Carpal Tunnel Syndrome</a> | <a href="http://tokoherbalacemaxs.com/obat-dispepsia-tradisional/" rel="nofollow">Obat Dispepsia Tradisional Yang Aman</a> | <a href="http://tokoherbalacemaxs.com/obat-gastritis-herbal/" rel="nofollow">Obat Gastritis Herbal Terbaik</a> | <a href="http://tokoherbalacemaxs.com/beberapa-makanan-penurun-kolesterol-tinggi/" rel="nofollow">Makanan Penurun Kolesterol Tinggi</a><br /><br />Thanks for sharing this information brother :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10307764973662892041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-6626265280668575872015-01-28T03:14:10.238-05:002015-01-28T03:14:10.238-05:00michael kors handbags on sale
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So many things ring true to me!<br /><br />I'm turning 18 this year and I definitely feel like I'm at that stage - being a Smart Kid up until about a year ago, I struggle with the fact that I now have to *try* in order to avoid failing/being hideously 'average'. I'd rather have people think that I didn't try, than know that I failed and I really do feel like making that effort = not being smart enough. <br /><br />Even though I *know* that it's about hard work and not talent, it's so hard for me to put in the effort and now I realise why!<br /><br />I now see, as well, why I was so bothered when I didn't look as good as I thought I could at prom.. With an evening dress, hair and makeup all done, my efforts were painfully obvious, and I felt more vulnerable because of it. Also why I started a recent workout plan without telling anyone (although my family eventually found out halfway through it) - it would be too embarrassing if I saw no results. And why I, too, am scared to learn to drive even when most of my friends all have their licenses now! :P<br /><br />I don't think I'm quite ready to let go of the 'trying and failing -> shame' mindset just yet, but it feels good to acknowledge my behaviour and some of the explanations behind it... Thank you for the new insight. I'll be back to read more of your work from now on. :)Jannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-64650595318564819312012-01-05T11:42:27.944-05:002012-01-05T11:42:27.944-05:00Signe, we should form a club of delayed-driving Sm...Signe, we should form a club of delayed-driving Smart Girls! Pleased to meet you. <br /><br />That's an interesting point about how the "smart" label begins to override all other points, and while I've connected it here to prettiness it certainly applies to other areas. I always wanted to be a writer, but suddenly I changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a Great Actress. I wasn't a terrible actress, but I wasn't great at it either; I didn't have "it," and I knew I didn't have "it," but it was freeing to do something that had little to do with intellect. Acting is in part about presence, and I now wonder if I pursued it in order to show that there was a whole person, not just a Smart Girl. Oh man! I'm glad the fates gave me some brains to work with but that doesn't necessarily mean it was an easy path.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-6441053998264256942012-01-02T14:49:15.454-05:002012-01-02T14:49:15.454-05:00Autumn, I've just found your blog and I can...Autumn, I've just found your blog and I can't stop reading it. It's great!<br /><br />And I have to confess: I have been the "Smart Girl" for all of my life and I also have failed my driving exam the first time. What makes it worse, I didn't tell it to anyone when it happened and I've kept hiding the fact ever since. I know it's stupid, but I can't help myself. <br /><br />I started to dislike the "Smart" label since my teens, because the first adverb everyone (parents, teachers, classmates etc.) could think of when characterising me was plain "smart". It felt as if I didn't have any other valuable and more interesting qualities in me, and in my opinion it was somewhat insulting. So, I found friends who weren't smart, but who knew how to have fun, how to obey rules, how to do things a typical good and smart girl would never do. I stayed remarkably above average, because lowering my grades even more would look very suspicious, but I was never referred as "the best in (anything)" again during highschool. And even now I'm not sure if that was the right choice.<br /><br />What I wanted to tell by this story, is that although I'm around different people now, although I know that we all have our flaws, that teenage girl is still there in me, waiting for others to pay her compliments on everything, but brains in the first place, and meantime being sad about failing to be the best at anything, except from being brainy. I guess I have to finally find a way to deal with this lack of self confidence, and this post has been a good kick-in-the-ass. Thank you and keep writing!Signehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14246836328826683923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-17266433396080446632011-12-05T22:41:14.057-05:002011-12-05T22:41:14.057-05:00Nathalia, Terri, Rebekah, Alexa, Cameo, Courtney, ...Nathalia, Terri, Rebekah, Alexa, Cameo, Courtney, DeeDee, Franca, and Véronique, I just wanted to thank you for commenting. This was a difficult piece to write (still afraid of failing!) and reading similar experiences is comforting and a good reminder that this stuff is all too universal. Thank you.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-20164611696095640332011-12-04T15:39:03.501-05:002011-12-04T15:39:03.501-05:00I failed my driving test the rest time and felt ab...I failed my driving test the rest time and felt absolutely humiliated. I coasted through high school and finished as class valedictorian only to find out that in university I needed to work hard, something I had never learned to do. And I know I'm not very pretty (and definitely aging) yet want to look as good as I can, realizing sometimes that it just doesn't work.<br /><br />Thank you for such a thoughtful piece that resonated very strongly with me.Véro Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02895169022031921712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-35385643267382309462011-11-30T03:51:22.721-05:002011-11-30T03:51:22.721-05:00Fantastic post as usual! and I like that all the s...Fantastic post as usual! and I like that all the smarty pants rubbish at driving people are coming out. I also failed my first test in spectacular fashion (I rolled backwards down a hill and was about 10 cms away from hitting a wall) and although i passed second time round I still can't really drive - I moved to the UK a month later and have never owned a car. Academic work also always came easy to me, I got straight A's at school, a first in my undergrad and it wasn't really until my masters that I actually had to try. It is still a disappointment to myself that I didn't get a distinction for my masters and that I didn't excel in my first promotion board, just passed. Though neither of these things have held me back in any way and no one other than myself even remembers. <br /><br />I actually think it's one of my biggest personal growth achievements to learn to not beat myself up about things going wrong. Though I also completely acknowledge that my career success and general life achievements are due to a fear of the negative rather than a drive towards the positive. I'm actually not that ambitious, and the reason I have moved up at work relatively quickly is not because of a drive to the top but a fear of stagnation. I now try to do things that scare me, because I actually find the fear of them (which is everlasting) worse than the temporary floundering when I first do them.<br /><br />Anyway, now I've just talked about work all the time!<br /><br />On beauty, I actually have a slightly different way of resolving the contradiction. I can't be conventionally beautiful, but I don't react to this by not doing any beauty/style work, but by aiming for a different ideal of beauty, a quirky, colourful, explicitly styled thing, not something seemingly natural. As such, I am completely happy for my attempts at being beautiful to be visible. I actually much, much prefer compliments about my clothes or what I've done with my hair to compliments about how I look in general.Francahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05495421838862275042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-27055419739268869042011-11-29T14:08:13.221-05:002011-11-29T14:08:13.221-05:00"But we also know that attempts at beauty can..."But we also know that attempts at beauty can be seen as a mark of failure, and that if our sleight-of-hand fails, humiliation waits."<br /><br />I literally gasped with surprised recognition when I read this, Autumn. The tears hit right after that. This describes so much of the latent anxiety I feel every day. So much to absorb here, all I can say right now is "Thank you."DeeDee @ Decoding Dresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01251216953099291067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-43576457347443694692011-11-29T13:40:35.226-05:002011-11-29T13:40:35.226-05:00I failed my driving test three times.
Also, I can...I failed my driving test three times.<br /><br />Also, I can't say I feel pity for pretty girls who don't understand why they receive so many compliments.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03703150053201639138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-18387732662028523362011-11-29T06:04:11.509-05:002011-11-29T06:04:11.509-05:00Great post, as usual, Autumn! Funny, I wrote a mo...Great post, as usual, Autumn! Funny, I wrote a monologue in high school about my fear of failure. I was keenly aware of the fact that I was pretty good at everything and great at nothing. OK, pretty good at most things...I clearly sucked at sports. It was so depressing to my young self to know that no matter how hard I tried I could always potentially fail. It was also crushing to my soul to know that there is always going to be someone who is better at things than I am. Or better looking...<br /><br />I found this passage most intriguing: "It’s one thing for a 16-year-old girl to melodramatically swallow two allergy pills in order to sleep away the shame of failing her driver’s test. It’s quite another for a woman riddled with insecurities to walk through the world with a mantle of that shame every day of her life." <br /><br />For me that allergy medicine never went away. I have self-medicated my entire life. Having just read this I can't help but wonder if the seed was planted back in high school. Back when I had to relieve myself from my own disappointment in myself.cameohttp://www.vergingonserious.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-81358698013113811822011-11-28T23:03:29.444-05:002011-11-28T23:03:29.444-05:00As a current teenager, Smart Girl, and person with...As a current teenager, Smart Girl, and person with her learner's permit with the driving test looming, I found this fascinating. <br /><br />I recently wrote a post about how it's ok to fail(something I don't believe consistently, but I'm trying) on my blog for New Moon Girls which I think relates to this highly- http://blossomingbadass.blogspot.com/2011/11/new-moon-girls-sister-to-sister.html<br /><br />Another thing this related to is Courtney E. Martin's book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. It's an excellent book relating primarily to teen and college-aged girls' link between academic perfectionism and bodily perfection (weight especially.) I'm trying to make most of my friends and teachers read it- it exemplifies the mindset of Smart Girls perfectly. Thanks for this post, Autumn!<br /><br />And Rebekah- "This attitude applied equally to beauty for most of my teen years; don't try to look like the pretty girls, you'll only make a fool of yourself."- exactly! My freshman year of high school was this precisely.Alexahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14863248689189749711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-87025892272199496002011-11-28T20:44:40.456-05:002011-11-28T20:44:40.456-05:00Autumn, I should buy you dinner for this post. As ...Autumn, I should buy you dinner for this post. As a fellow Smart Kid, I learned how important it was to be the best and not to attempt anything at which I might not excel. I STILL don't have a driver's license, largely for reasons you would certainly understand.<br /><br />This attitude applied equally to beauty for most of my teen years; don't try to look like the pretty girls, you'll only make a fool of yourself. <br /><br />"...they come closer to the societal ideal, so the sting of falling short is forever closer."<br /><br />My mother once told me "the bad thing about being middle-sized is people think you're not trying hard enough." I finally know what she meant. <br /><br />A well-meaning friend once told me "Your eyes and mouth are so beautiful, with a nose job you'd be perfect!" Yes, the bad thing about being middling is the sense that you're almost good enough...Rebekah R. Jauntyhttp://www.jauntydame.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-33117939929961935662011-11-28T20:28:55.654-05:002011-11-28T20:28:55.654-05:00There is much to admire about this post--as my own...There is much to admire about this post--as my own attempts to pass a driver exam didn't bear fruit until I was 19. I was the older sister to a young woman who was crowned Miss Missouri teen. I can remember actively deciding to be the "smart" sister...though I was not unlovely, just not willing to expend the "beauty effort." Now as both sisters are in their fifties, her focus on "beauty effort" paid off in a grander financial way than teaching college. Teaching though has a spiritual value...It is a sign of maturity to be able to hold contradictory ideas within one's mind and heart. ~Terri, @RagsMachineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-26484054819727561842011-11-28T12:27:39.919-05:002011-11-28T12:27:39.919-05:00I found this entry so thoughtful... I was that sm...I found this entry so thoughtful... I was that smart kid in grade school and high school and now, as a grad student, it's strange to see the contrast at how hard I have to work just to hit the same average baseline as my peers. And I acknowledge that it's my failing, the hubris of 'the smart kid' Similarly, I hadn't considered (not fully, at least) why I tried or didn't try certain things with make up...<br /><br />Thank you for posting!Nathaliahttp://nathaliad.tumblr.com/noreply@blogger.com