tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post5879830846895194180..comments2024-03-28T03:13:28.585-04:00Comments on Beauty, and What It Means: What's In Your Bag, Revisited: The Sims, My Half-Eaten Box of Raisins, and Self-CareAutumn Whitefield-Madranohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-13217203745217214052011-09-02T17:33:09.384-04:002011-09-02T17:33:09.384-04:00Vishal, that's interesting--I feel like while ...Vishal, that's interesting--I feel like while men might be better at self-care, they'd also be less likely to talk about it. But I'm not sure. In any case, if I play The Sims again maybe I'll give it a go with my ideal self! Heh.<br /><br />Cameo, the line of necessary vs. narcissistic is one I wrestle with--hell, I wrestle with that just doing the blog. How much self-reflection is shedding light on what other people experience, and how much is just Me Me Me? But then I remember how I feel when I read someone else's experience (like yours) and see how much it resonates. I suppose it can work the same way with self-care--we can see how our friends should be nicer to themselves, but have a harder time doing it for ourselves.<br /><br />ModernSauce, thank you! "continued maintenance, not triage"--that's perfect. As a matter of fact, tonight I'm going to have a massage because I want one, not because my back is so twisted that it's painful to walk. Maintenance!<br /><br />Sal, I'd venture that part of the tendency to give ourselves self-care in extremes has something to do with our American work system? Not that we're the hardest-working nation on earth, but we work longer hours than many other industrialized nations, and we love the whole "if you just put your mind to it you can do anything" thing. Which sounds nice but in truth is actually self-punishing. "Putting our mind to it" can easily mean going to the point of burnout, hence the extremes.<br /><br />Stacia, I like "I need" because it sounds somewhat less entitled. "I deserve" sounds to me like I did something special to warrant it; "I need" lays a clearer boundary, and makes it clear that it's not negotiable. (BTW, watching you clear out your bag was one of the inspirations for this--to me it seemed like a small daily act of self-care.)<br /><br />Courtney, I don't usually do prompts but I'm super-glad I did this one. Some people say I overanalyze. I say I just get "inspired easily"! Ha!<br /><br />Alexa, thank you! Especially for articulating that I wasn't being self-pitying. I worry about that a lot--which actually is exactly what this whole cycle is about, being afraid of seeming self-indulgent. So thank you.<br /><br />Beauty Schooled, innnnteresting! That once you recognized you were going on a vacation without being at the bottom of your barrel, you drained the barrel ASAP! It could be an organic reaction, or it could have been a response to the recognition. In any case, you *did* recognize it, which to me seems like then maybe next time you can be aware of it earlier and know to engage in a little pre-vacation self-care. In any case, I hope you're having a splendid time and am eager for your return!<br /><br />Rebekah, it's a pity X-Files is off the air, because you'd have a sell script right there... Excellent point about how repair really is work. And, you know, I am a little lazy! Because, yeah, a lot of times I'm like, "I could clean up my apartment...orrrr I could space out and watch, say, X-Files<br /> (I've been on a kick). I like your idea of combining the indulgent pleasures with the routine stuff--thank you.<br /><br />Miriam, thank you!<br /><br />Terri, what would that occasion be, do you think? It seems like the thrifting was a logical response that has served you well, but there could indeed be other messages you're giving yourself there too. Also, I'm glad that s/he recognized what was going on. I've heard (and experienced) so many tales of physicians not recognizing mental health concerns and overmedicalizing them when they do come up (I've never felt dismissed by a doctor about my mental health, but sometimes the treatment has felt a little breezy, because they're seeing it like an overall health issue, whereas it feels quite different than getting my bad back looked at)--the advice you got was astute, and I'm glad you listened.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-74904161431252837462011-08-25T18:59:22.269-04:002011-08-25T18:59:22.269-04:00I've been having some thoughts along these sam...I've been having some thoughts along these same lines recently. ALL of my clothing is thrifted and while the sustainability of that pleases me, I have found myself wondering what occasion would prompt me to purchase something new.<br /><br />Years ago, as a single parent, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. When I complained that it was impossible in my position to take time out to care for myself, the physician made clear that if I did not, I would not be around to care for my daughters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-20395032184625997112011-08-22T22:21:38.593-04:002011-08-22T22:21:38.593-04:00Wow, this was so well-written. :)Wow, this was so well-written. :)Miriamhttp://miriammogilevsky.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-76556378493347985842011-08-22T18:00:41.571-04:002011-08-22T18:00:41.571-04:00"At one point, I marched my Sim over to her d..."At one point, I marched my Sim over to her desk, where she’d faithfully studied every night; instead of reading, she put her head in her lap and cried."<br /><br />That poor Sim! Does this story feel a little Twilight Zone to anyone else? Strike up some intense music, and you've got a psychological thriller on your hands.<br /><br />"Much of the time I think the way to accept yourself is to stop thinking about it so damn much."<br /><br />Ha! Agreed.<br /><br />The end to disrepair is... repair. Which sounds like work because it IS work. Routine maintenance makes everything run more smoothly, but it's hard to spend your last bit of energy on life maintenance. <br /><br />I try to save up some of that dull fixer-upper work (taking care of my nails, mending clothes, purse-cleaning, etc..) to deal with while watching a movie on Netflix. Then I can get a little drudgery done whilst simultaneously semi-justifying watching a movie. <br /><br />"You will do everything in your life better if you are not running on empty."<br /><br />Absolutely.<br /><br />I loved that Medicinal Marzipan link. I may finally buy Rosie's book---- as an act of self-care!<br /><br />Maybe it would help to think of self-care as a manifestation of self-respect. Or maybe a lack of self-respect is what causes us to shortchange ourselves in the Acts of Care department.<br /><br />If you'd included your address, I bet every one of us would have shipped you all the concealer and handi-wipes you can use. You have adoring fans, and you earned 'em!Rebekah o' Jaunty Damehttp://www.jauntydame.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-75072068226558943642011-08-22T13:14:26.293-04:002011-08-22T13:14:26.293-04:00Excellent post. And spookily well-timed -- I was j...Excellent post. And spookily well-timed -- I was just telling my husband how run-down-to-empty I feel because we're going on vacation at the end of this week and I cannot wait. <br /><br />Except the truth is, early last week, I had the thought, "this is the first time I can recall gearing up for vacation and NOT feeling 100% burned out first." I've been working hard on the self-care stuff this summer and I think it's been working for me in return... <br /><br />And yet, I promptly self-sabotaged that notion by getting uber-stressed when a story unexpectedly came back needing a huge revise/I missed a day of work for family stuff and had to play serious catch u the next day/a bunch of bookshelves fell off my office wall, resulting in an office that looks like 5,000 of your purses got dumped in there, plus piles of books everywhere. And so today, I'm feeling all drained and exhausted and like, "how will I make it to Saturday?!" <br /><br />But your post is making me ask: Do I really feel that way, or am I choosing to hype up the above litany of annoyances to create the burn-out... because otherwise I won't feel like I've "earned" my two weeks off? <br /><br />And that is just silliness. But it's amazing how hard it is to give yourself permission to take care of yourself... Anyway, thanks for this. And love how it all came out of seeing the contents of your bag!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-86965213212640107222011-08-22T11:36:05.810-04:002011-08-22T11:36:05.810-04:00Autumn- this is most excellent! It's so intros...Autumn- this is most excellent! It's so introspective, and you looked at yourself both objectively (without pitying or doing the opposite), but with emotion and clarity too. This is so awesome! I loved what you reamed from your bag post.Alexahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14863248689189749711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-78295859555329050222011-08-22T11:15:48.897-04:002011-08-22T11:15:48.897-04:00Where to start?
First, I've been playing The ...Where to start?<br /><br />First, I've been playing The Sims for probably well over 10 years, so I had a good laugh at the first part of this.<br /><br />Secondly, I think it's awesome that such a seemingly superficial post of "What's in my bag" could bring up such a intricate topic that you wouldn't usually expect. <br /><br /><a href="http://thosegraces.com" rel="nofollow">--Courtney</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03703150053201639138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-77734631639671499282011-08-22T11:04:13.658-04:002011-08-22T11:04:13.658-04:00How's about instead of "I deserve": ...How's about instead of "I deserve": "I need". Because you do need a vacation and a day off and a massage. We all do!Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16507300144979701588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-75908056929149133922011-08-22T09:58:05.129-04:002011-08-22T09:58:05.129-04:00I've moved away from the go-until-spent-then-b...I've moved away from the go-until-spent-then-break-down model of self-care in recent years, but I'm quite familiar with it. Also recognize that instinct to stiff yourself when it comes to creature comforts like hand wipes and notebooks. I wonder what makes us feel like self-care must be done in extremes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-70480757105505600852011-08-22T09:35:12.454-04:002011-08-22T09:35:12.454-04:00This! This! A million times this! Nothing like ...This! This! A million times this! Nothing like blogging to hold a mirror up to your life - sometimes with surprising reflections!<br /><br />This is such a fantastic essay on self-care. "It is not me being “real”; it is me short-changing myself on self-care." was like you were looking into my soul! Somehow self-care for me was really just an emergency response to desperate situations when my needs were screaming (not intelligent arguments mind you). But "care" is really continued maintenance not triage.<br /><br />Use those wet wipes - you "deserve" it! ; )ModernSaucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08993930835985764220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-69280229814610815032011-08-22T07:29:40.404-04:002011-08-22T07:29:40.404-04:00Oh, Autumn! Very intriguing take on that purse po...Oh, Autumn! Very intriguing take on that purse post. I think you are on to something very universal and that is to what extent we spend time caring for ourselves vs. caring for others (or working) and how much of that is necessary vs. narcissistic. <br /><br />I laughed when I read your Sims story because I could relate - I could see myself driving myself to tears in real life or simulated life - and there is humor in that. If you chose to see it. Which you did. Which is GOOD!Cameohttp://www.vergingonserious.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-40715530678448394352011-08-22T07:18:52.915-04:002011-08-22T07:18:52.915-04:00wow !! ur thoughts made me think as if I was talki...wow !! ur thoughts made me think as if I was talking to one of my guy friends.<br /><br />Wish more girls could have the same perspective.<br /><br /><br />I don't get it why you made a sim which is lazy and not social. If u never thought of urself as one ?<br /><br />hmm. I would make a sim a better version of what I perceive my self to be so that I am motivated but again that is just me.vishalhttp://www.iamvishal.comnoreply@blogger.com