tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post6847424329517735634..comments2024-03-28T03:13:28.585-04:00Comments on Beauty, and What It Means: Life at 36: Anne Bancroft, Phylicia Rashad, Reese Witherspoon, and MeAutumn Whitefield-Madranohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-36750079900228873342015-07-16T05:53:20.932-04:002015-07-16T05:53:20.932-04:00fred perry shirts
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I was pregnant of ...Happy belated birthday Autumn!<br /><br />I was pregnant of my first child when I turned 36, so at the time I wasn't really thinking too much about aging, but on my impending pass to motherhood. However, I turned 50 this year, and I spent quite some time contemplating what my age meant.<br /><br />I'm divorced now, and I have made the decision of not marrying again; however, I date often, and I date younger men exclusively. Just as a poster above mentioned, I generally try to avoid mentioning my age, and I use the simple qualifier of "mature", but this is not easy to do in dating sites.<br /><br />I have found that how you look, or whether you look younger or older than your age has absolutely not bearing on dating sites. Age is the first search criteria, and men will normally look for women that are younger than their age. I hardly get noticed by men my age, but much older, and sometimes significantly younger. Now, you can draw your own conclusions about this, but the fact is that the number still carries significant weight.<br /><br />Now, I completely understand that it's important for women to draw pride from within, and I am not apologizing to anyone for being older. However, I sometimes wish age wasn't that important.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03102819383010995220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-1419289579286731682012-06-03T11:36:38.433-04:002012-06-03T11:36:38.433-04:00A fine wine we are! And yeah, I think that's w...A fine wine we are! And yeah, I think that's what made 36 sort of weird, it was like, "Okay, I'm now closer to 40 than to 30," which is fine, except if 40 is the new 30, then that means I'm one year closer to being what I thought maybe I'd escaped from when I actually was 30. Like, I felt like I got off the hook because I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be at 30--but soon I'll be FORTY, so I'd damn well better figure this stuff out!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-76681486274813615762012-06-03T11:35:04.499-04:002012-06-03T11:35:04.499-04:00Thank you! I'm trying not to dwell on any of t...Thank you! I'm trying not to dwell on any of that regret, for exactly what you point out--it interferes with the here and now. Certainly when I was at the age that I'm mourning, I didn't live in the present enough, always thinking I should be doing something different than i actually was. I should learn from that mistake.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-45143445055407174272012-06-03T11:33:49.551-04:002012-06-03T11:33:49.551-04:00Romy, I love this--that idea that you're addin...Romy, I love this--that idea that you're adding on every day to those 72 hours. It's a defiant way to see the world, in a positive sense--I like that. And you're absolutely right: If age is a box (which it isn't), it's a flexible one. I'm going to remember that--thank you.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-77691622430016780672012-06-03T11:32:36.673-04:002012-06-03T11:32:36.673-04:00Thank you!Thank you!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-53764182744881461022012-06-03T11:32:30.800-04:002012-06-03T11:32:30.800-04:00Absolutely--I look at photos of my grandparents at...Absolutely--I look at photos of my grandparents at my parents' age, and even though they took good care of themselves, my parents just look undeniably younger. Imagine what people in their 50s looked like in our great-great grandparents' day!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-14830515860044316132012-06-03T11:31:42.499-04:002012-06-03T11:31:42.499-04:00Thank you, on all counts! And oh my god, yes, I wo...Thank you, on all counts! And oh my god, yes, I would never trade my thirties for my twenties. Where did we get this idea that the twenties were this awesome time in our lives? Much of them SUCKED for me, and for plenty of other women I know. <br /><br />An anecdote: On the eve of my 30th birthday, my best friend was over and we were midway through a bottle of wine when I suddenly started to freak out, like, "Oh my god, I've been looking forward to my thirties all my life, and what if I'm wrong and they're awful and I just feel old and out of it and miserable?" And she was just like, "Autumn, no matter what, they won't be worse than your twenties." I laughed for 10 minutes, and you know what? She was right.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-39569187220375593412012-06-03T11:29:44.117-04:002012-06-03T11:29:44.117-04:00I feel split on what to tell people--I mean, I'...I feel split on what to tell people--I mean, I'm not actually coy about it, but you raise a good point about how other people form an opinion of you based on a number and their own conceptions of it, which might have nothing to do with how you actually are. But at the same time, how will people know that 36, or 48, or 68 for that matter, needn't be our outdated conceptions of it? It's a tough one.<br /><br />And hallelujah to owning maturity. I was the oldest child and very typically so--I've believed I was an adult from birth. So actually having my chronological age catch up to me is sort of a relief!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-54103933442795295772012-06-03T11:27:16.702-04:002012-06-03T11:27:16.702-04:00*mwah*! Thank you!*mwah*! Thank you!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-2926283550592695142012-06-03T11:27:05.289-04:002012-06-03T11:27:05.289-04:00Oh wow--that's fascinating, and I wish I'd...Oh wow--that's fascinating, and I wish I'd realized that Marilyn Monroe was 36 when she died. That absolutely makes sense to me, that even if it's not literal, it's like...our #1 icon of femininity, even decades after her death, never saw an age older than 36. So conceptualizing a feminine icon after that age becomes more difficult. Thank you for the comment--much here to think on!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-24827662210571380012012-06-03T11:25:29.683-04:002012-06-03T11:25:29.683-04:00Donna, I think you're onto something--the idea...Donna, I think you're onto something--the idea that there was an age when everything came together, and now that age has passed. I think I do sort of look at my early 30s as that--but then I think of how much effort I had to put into my appearance to stay what was, for me, unnaturally thin, and how much discretionary income I spent on clothes instead of my true passion (travel), and perhaps it's time to rethink that. In fact, I declare it. Thank you for illuminating this for me!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-91208569478914947872012-05-30T09:01:54.261-04:002012-05-30T09:01:54.261-04:00Happy Birthday, Autumn! I had this 'inner dis...Happy Birthday, Autumn! I had this 'inner discussion' in March, when I had the 'OhMyGodThisIsMyLATE30s!' moment. I certainly don't look good by Hollywood's standards (a huge HA!!), but I'm hangin' in there! Let's be the fine wine that just keeps getting better!Jessica Mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-879241083967222702012-05-29T18:33:38.994-04:002012-05-29T18:33:38.994-04:00Happy Birthday! I think I grasp what you're s...Happy Birthday! I think I grasp what you're saying...but to look back with any sort of regret interferes with the time and the moment you're in. Frequently I find myself thinking the Creator that my eyes, and my hands, and my legs, still work. And I would rather be my age in 2012 than in any time prior.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-5144837795105896932012-05-29T12:05:40.610-04:002012-05-29T12:05:40.610-04:00Hi Autumn, I found myself in the same situation th...Hi Autumn, I found myself in the same situation this past weekend, I saw a picture of my prom dance back in '97, I was 18, I was sooo young (my skin exuding collagen...), but, will I change my now 32 for those 18 again? hell no, I was young, yes, but so lost, I didn't have a clue about anything, so I wouldn't like to go through the same things again. <br />About my age I have never ever lied about it; I was a premature baby (7 months)and my life expectancy was 72 hrs...so I'm very proud of every year I add to those 72 hrs. However there is a little cheating as people usually think I am 5-6 years younger than I really am, so 32 = 28. It scares me a little the knowledge that I'm slowly starting to look more like of a 30 year old woman but I also know that age is not a box, and if it was, its walls would be quite flexible.Madkrakatoahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07197551788337610940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-82837569003132818412012-05-29T10:28:46.939-04:002012-05-29T10:28:46.939-04:00Great and thought provoking post!Great and thought provoking post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-19321285645312271192012-05-29T10:21:27.106-04:002012-05-29T10:21:27.106-04:00Great post. And your point is even truer farther ...Great post. And your point is even truer farther back in time. When I was growing up, people my age now (fifties) were "old, waiting to die." They looked like wrinkled grannies. Now, fifty-year olds are vibrant and look a decade younger.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-72213491785946836442012-05-29T09:49:26.670-04:002012-05-29T09:49:26.670-04:00Wow...what a great, thought-provoking post, Autumn...Wow...what a great, thought-provoking post, Autumn. I turned 37 last year, while I mourned the new lines that sprouted around my eyes I realized that I wouldn't trade my thirties for my twenties in a heartbeat. I was fairly miserable, and lost, and downright confused in my twenties. I'll take the loss of elasticity in my face for the years of experience and stronger sense of self I've gained as I've aged. It's a really small price to pay.<br /><br />(And happy birthday!)Elissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01747207709979632660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-47927040979864964852012-05-29T08:51:18.885-04:002012-05-29T08:51:18.885-04:00I'm 48 but I don't tell people my age beca...I'm 48 but I don't tell people my age because I don't want them to form an opinion of me, my beauty, or my maturity, based on a number.<br /><br />That's not to say that I try to act young, though. In fact, I've recently come to "own" my maturity and to claim the benefits of being a grownup. Until recently, I allowed people to treat me like a child, and that was not a good thing. No more of that.<br /><br />I do think I look better now than I did as a 20-year old. I feel better about myself, too. It took some conscious effort (inward and outward) to get to this point, where I feel like I'm making the most of what nature gave me. What I'm mourning now is the fact that I won't be able to enjoy my current look for much longer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-137961468777371472012-05-29T05:39:55.325-04:002012-05-29T05:39:55.325-04:00Happy birthday Autumn xHappy birthday Autumn xJessicahttp://jessicastanley.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-78189479482979066272012-05-29T05:31:48.770-04:002012-05-29T05:31:48.770-04:00I've been an avid reader of your blog since st...I've been an avid reader of your blog since stumbling upon it at the end of last year. Until yesterday we were the same age. I just recently turned 35. But I know exactly what you're contemplating. Culturally men (or men in the west with its dominant christian iconography) have been encouraged to view turning 33 as being a pivotal point in life, basically because it's the age where the realisation sets in that no matter what their Mum tried to tell them they're not the messiah. My conceptualisation is that for women turning 36 represents a similar transition - 36 being the age that Marilyn, the modern martyred icon of femininity self destructed. At any rate, Happy Birthday. By the time we hit 66 we'll be reflecting and deconstructing our memories of being 36!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-83103808481059072072012-05-29T04:46:03.744-04:002012-05-29T04:46:03.744-04:00Great post. I'm 56. I find that women who are ...Great post. I'm 56. I find that women who are the most miserable about aging think they looked their best when they were a certain age, say 24. But if you accept that young is not the benchmark of beauty, 24 is just an age. It's not a line in the sand. Sure, I look older and different, but I don't accept that younger looked better. It's kind of fun to embrace the changes and see what unfolds. Happy birthday!Donna @ Rock the Silverhttp://www.rockthesilver.comnoreply@blogger.com