tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post7156387423264823215..comments2024-03-28T03:13:28.585-04:00Comments on Beauty, and What It Means: An Open Letter to an Unhappy Swan, and to All the Pretty Girls Who Get Pissed Off Sometimes About Being PrettyAutumn Whitefield-Madranohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-12518656511386383012014-12-05T19:46:40.646-05:002014-12-05T19:46:40.646-05:00I hope you're not saying only shallow men aren...I hope you're not saying only shallow men aren't attracted to overweight women. Because that's silly. Biologically we are attracted to DIFFERENCES in the sexes, not the similarities. That's how the feminine hourglass and the "V" for a man's body ever got started. Beauty has a direct correlation to health that is reflected in our lifestyles. People certainly vary in "thickness" and that is natural. But as far as flab the US is still the fattest country in the world and 50th in life expectancy. Why do we have such trouble with moderation or healthy lifestyles? I'd say it's because our excuses are a lot more high tech and fashionable than anywhere else in the world.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03612230720965862521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-26301232344241756782014-07-21T03:08:25.253-04:002014-07-21T03:08:25.253-04:00Thank you for sharing to us. This blog is amazing....Thank you for sharing to us. This blog is amazing. Check this website www.gkfashionstore.com for collection of dresses, handbags and footwear products for womens.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17190356986483751672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-82587137263570796222011-09-29T11:08:54.308-04:002011-09-29T11:08:54.308-04:00Thanks, Poli! That's exactly what I'm tryi...Thanks, Poli! That's exactly what I'm trying to do here--host intelligent conversations on beauty.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-14756658038642414142011-09-28T03:42:59.775-04:002011-09-28T03:42:59.775-04:00You're AMAZING. Thank you for this. It's g...You're AMAZING. Thank you for this. It's great to read some smart words on beauty once in a while.Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14517714742464241901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-76122326397995010012011-09-27T22:52:01.110-04:002011-09-27T22:52:01.110-04:00Grace, I'm honored to have had a small part in...Grace, I'm honored to have had a small part in helping you work your way toward freedom from what can feel like the tyranny of pretty. I've gotta say, the time I was writing of helped me do the same to a degree--when I start to panic and think that I should somehow be doing more to look good, I remember that at my personal best-looking, the rewards weren't worth the effort.<br /><br />Mercuriazs, I'm so glad I could give you some thoughts that can help you work through this period. That's particularly difficult to hear about other women. That doesn't usually happen to me (when I sense that might happen I tend to do cartwheels to make women feel comfortable...), but it has on occasion, and it stings. I suspect that a well-placed smile--your best, your most genuine--may help on occasion in this situation. It probably won't always help (some people are just going to feel distrust for their own personal reasons, and there's nothing you can do), but I know that whenever a woman I'm feeling intimidated by gives me a big, warm, genuine smile, I can't help but assume she's on my side. I wish you luck and peace on this front!Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-12943796299450127762011-09-27T18:27:16.543-04:002011-09-27T18:27:16.543-04:00Oh God, thank you so much. This is exactly what I ...Oh God, thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to read-- I actually would classify myself as a girl who's "swanned," and while a lot of it has been great, I'm starting to have to deal with women disliking and distrusting me along romantic-competition lines. :/ My instinct is that most people would/do interpret my discomfort as snobbery, when really, I just don't like what's happening to my relationships with other women.<br /><br />You've given me a lot of great advice and a lot to think about. I imagine I'll be returning to this post frequently in subsequent months.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-68793611997128971092011-09-26T19:42:46.732-04:002011-09-26T19:42:46.732-04:00This was a really great exploration of what pretty...This was a really great exploration of what pretty is and how it has to do with social status. I was shocked at the behavior of the guys who asked you out and then criticized your 'flaws'. What ugly things to say! Anyway, this post helped me let go somewhat of my obsession with fitting into what society says is 'pretty'. Thank you!Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-83675964236824870442011-09-26T00:23:10.918-04:002011-09-26T00:23:10.918-04:00Gala, thank you! Both for the kind words and for s...Gala, thank you! Both for the kind words and for sharing it in your links roundup--much appreciated.<br /><br />LZ, you pointed me toward this in the first place, so a special thank-you your way...<br /><br />Caitlin, I'm not sure if you followed through to the link in the piece about women's looks as status, but it's interesting, even as I think that this isn't something "men" default to but rather a certain sort of man who craves visible status. (Here's the link: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/her-looks-your-status-why-mens-claims-not-to-care-about-beauty-ring-hollow/) I'm sorry that you were in a relationship like that, and glad he now has a prefix.<br /><br />Rebekah, yeah, some real winners, eh? Someday I should do a post about the awesome men I've gone out with--somehow only the snakes make it on here! My luck isn't that bad, I swear! One dude lit candles on a rooftop!<br /><br />Robyn, I hope Unhappy Swan reads your comment--because certainly therapy would be helpful here, I'm guessing. (I'm of the mind that therapy is pretty much always helpful, shhh...)<br /><br />Anonymous from 9/22, thank you. I've interviewed plenty of women about beauty and inevitably they wind up talking about some friend of theirs who just has "this quality" but who isn't drop-dead gorgeous...and is hella attractive nonetheless.<br /><br />Hannah, welcome! I'm pleased I could help you crystallize something. And it is absolutely true for other arenas of our lives. Much of the time it's a positive thing, or at least in my experience, but it can work the other way too.<br /><br />Linda, thank you! And YES about the age thing. You know, for all the demonization of age out there, most women I know are so vocal about getting happier and feeling better as they get older. And IMHO most of my longtime friends look better than they did at 20 as well--they've grown into themselves.<br /><br />Anonymous from 9/23, I'm glad I could write something that you could read at the right time. And the fact that it resonated shows that you're going to be okay.<br /><br />Erin, thank you! What a wonderful compliment to hear. <br /><br />Lylim, isn't it funny how the cliche stuff like this so often is true? Confidence is beautiful--we hear it over and over, but it really and honestly is true.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-92129826951089849922011-09-24T04:16:58.420-04:002011-09-24T04:16:58.420-04:00This is amazing. While I'm not exactly a swan,...This is amazing. While I'm not exactly a swan, I've experienced firsthand how 'beauty tricks' can move you closer to the conventional beauty standard, things like chemical hair straightening, weight loss, a little makeup, and although I have to admit that all these things make me feel better about myself, in the very, very end, what makes me feel most good about being ME, is knowing and liking the type of person I am on the inside. Cliche, but true.Lylim | Flyleafhttp://lylim.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-86834782008578004482011-09-23T23:31:18.670-04:002011-09-23T23:31:18.670-04:00I absolutely bow down to you for this response - y...I absolutely bow down to you for this response - your tone is not condescending, mocking, or disgusted with "Unhappy Swan," you've managed to set her straight gently and with respect for her tangled feelings, and you have made many excellent points. I want all women between the ages of 11 and 110 to read this immediately!eRiNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12350571988153110215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-10105606542141659772011-09-23T19:00:11.734-04:002011-09-23T19:00:11.734-04:00Wow, thank you. Thank you so much. I feel like thi...Wow, thank you. Thank you so much. I feel like this was written for me, TO me, as it's exactly what I'm going through right now, and it's exactly what I needed to hear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-52557167869779636812011-09-23T11:16:53.297-04:002011-09-23T11:16:53.297-04:00Oh WOW, this was an excellent post! As a 29 yr old...Oh WOW, this was an excellent post! As a 29 yr old woman who has been through all of these phases, I can totally relate! You articulated everything extremely well! <br /><br />I'm actually excited to turn 30...and then 40! I cringe when people talk down about getting older whether it's 30, 40, 50, etc...Seriously, 30 is old now?! 30 is just the beginning!! Personally I can't wait to turn 30. Nothing is sexier than a woman who knows her shit! I think with age comes wisdom and there is NOTHING sexier than that!<br /><br />I've found that quality people know and look for that. I have always been "pretty" but had my share of weight fluctuations and confidence issues in my teens and 20's. What I've come to learn is that I'm pretty but I'm also smart; very smart and creative and I don't give people the time of day who value my looks over my mind. Period. In my experience, no matter what you look like, someone can get a clear picture of you by how you hold yourself, your energy, your confidence, your intelligence. I think people are usually very surprised when they talk to me. They usually wright me off as just a "pretty person" but then come to find that I am laid back, smart, funny, silly, and I don't care about all that superficial stuff. I kinda love it actually because it helps to knock down a reverse stereotype. <br /><br />Moral of the story: treat yourself and others with respect, have fun, laugh, and don't take yourself so seriously. You'll often times get the same in return. <br /><br />Excellent, Excellent post!!Linda Wagner - Nutrition to Invigorate Mind, Body & Spirithttp://www.lindawagner.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-37612034409020231402011-09-23T08:53:05.171-04:002011-09-23T08:53:05.171-04:00This is incredible. I am so grateful that I follow...This is incredible. I am so grateful that I followed the link from Already Pretty and ended up here. <br /><br />"Coming closer to the beauty standard meant that I attracted a greater number of people who placed higher importance on that standard." I think a little bit of my life just clicked into place.<br />I suspect this is true for other arenas of our lives as well...<br /><br />I look forward to reading more of what you have to say.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15349443505643195122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-79183733725582231582011-09-22T15:47:48.797-04:002011-09-22T15:47:48.797-04:00Oh, thank you for this. While I'm not exactly ...Oh, thank you for this. While I'm not exactly a swan, I have struggled with my looks, and how they've changed during different parts of my life.<br /><br />Thank you especially for writing about confidence as an attractive quality, and dismantling the assumption that a little extra weight or less time spent on beauty labor results in fewer compliments or dating options. It's so great to be reminded that feeling down, or being overworked, are just as likely to be the culprits.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-3462622552324171662011-09-21T23:33:35.177-04:002011-09-21T23:33:35.177-04:00This is much better than Cary's advice. But n...This is much better than Cary's advice. But neither of you suggested get therapy to deal with your body issues, sub-clinical though they may be.Robynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08200091513460575421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-18827015989035638222011-09-21T21:20:42.194-04:002011-09-21T21:20:42.194-04:00Wonderful. I hope Unhappy Swan reads it.
That par...Wonderful. I hope Unhappy Swan reads it.<br /><br />That paragraph about non-excellent guys you've dated made my skin crawl. Yeesh!Rebekah o' Jaunty Damehttp://www.jauntydame.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-50515371457547036432011-09-21T12:44:53.562-04:002011-09-21T12:44:53.562-04:00Excellent post. So many times as I read, I was lik...Excellent post. So many times as I read, I was like, "Yes! YES!" <br /><br />You hit on something that I don't think is addressed all that often, which is that as a conventionally attractive woman, you are often seen as a status boost to your partner. My ex-husband was really bad about this. I realized shortly after we married that he was really into the image of me and what having a wife like me said about him. The reality of me, though? Not so much. He liked me as an object and an extension of himself, not as a person in my own right.Caitlinhttp://fitandfeminist.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-66006722177994418562011-09-21T12:14:32.823-04:002011-09-21T12:14:32.823-04:00Well put, my friend.Well put, my friend.lznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-14486198396816412502011-09-21T11:13:44.744-04:002011-09-21T11:13:44.744-04:00...This is brilliant! Can't wait to share it ......This is brilliant! Can't wait to share it with other women. xoxxGalahttp://galadarling.comnoreply@blogger.com