tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post8917919280009251685..comments2024-03-18T06:47:36.697-04:00Comments on Beauty, and What It Means: Why Hearing "You're Beautiful" Makes Me FreezeAutumn Whitefield-Madranohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-84258770244651977352015-09-06T22:25:09.401-04:002015-09-06T22:25:09.401-04:00Yes! I've always identified as a "normal&...Yes! I've always identified as a "normal" person all my life, never been called cute or pretty growing up. But once I hit my early 20's, I had people call me cute and even pretty and stare at me. And it was terrifying! Just as intelligence and personality can be a currency, beauty is now a currency I was somehow granted and the thought of losing is scary. And I hate how I'm now thinking about maintaining the beauty. <br /><br />xo. thrivehau.com ThriveHauhttp://thrivehau.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-88967761757963034802015-09-01T23:21:04.617-04:002015-09-01T23:21:04.617-04:00201592dongdong
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Superhero Shredding Review...<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0EeWypqPRI/html/" rel="nofollow">Superhero Shredding</a> <br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0EeWypqPRI/html/" rel="nofollow">Superhero Shredding Review</a> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14476187576527713094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-44745741552223624882014-04-09T05:52:51.992-04:002014-04-09T05:52:51.992-04:00Thank you for analysis about the beauty and everyb...Thank you for analysis about the beauty and everybody loves with beauty and <a href="http://www.thesisontime.com/thesis-help" rel="nofollow">thesis help</a> available for students. Sadiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13452823552545627692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-20326260381759423022013-08-23T22:00:55.852-04:002013-08-23T22:00:55.852-04:00You write beautifully!! I remember during my trip ...You write beautifully!! I remember during my trip to Cambodia in Angkor Wat, a Cambodian man was touring me inside a temple then he mentioned that I am beautiful. Honestly, it was my first time to hear such a blunt statement and I didn't know what to do or say-- I was silent for a few seconds and as a courtesy, I just thanked him for the compliment.Janhttp://janwanderlusts.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-23233716583388350392011-09-02T17:06:51.722-04:002011-09-02T17:06:51.722-04:00Vishal, thank you! I have a hard time meditating t...Vishal, thank you! I have a hard time meditating too but I have zero doubts that it would do good things for me. (One of my idols, David Lynch, seems to have stopped filmmaking to...meditate. Hey, works for him!)<br /><br />Cameo, thank you! You know, I remember Bob (!) saying that sometimes the best performances were ones where we didn't think they were all that great. Because when we think we're really "on," that means we're truly observing ourselves. He had a lot of crap to say but that made sense to me.<br /><br />Frances Joy, thank you--I'm sorry that you share the sentiment (I'd love to just be all smiles about it...), but glad that we can relate on this!<br /><br />Franca, the specific compliments are indeed nice. For whatever reason, though, I don't have such a trigger with other words. I guess usually if someone is telling me I'm sexy it's because we're...having sexytime? So then hopefully I'm feeling sexy, you know? I know when I'm feeling sexy, but I don't know about "feeling beautiful."<br /><br />Krystal, thank you. I imagine that in your line of scholarship you deal a lot with the performance of femininity, and this is pretty much exactly that!<br /><br />Fish Monkey, yep, I have a hard time with that notion too. It's like, well, it is true--and it's also not. Like, of course conventionally homely women have beauty to them! We all do! But the type of beauty that can cause pain is what we're talking about, and a reductive statement like that isn't really helpful.<br /><br />Terri, wow--you know, I read that and thought, "Well, that's cool for her but for me...?!" and then I realized how stupid that was of me so I tried it, and you know what? I got tears in my eyes. Now, I cry at commercials for products I hate, so I can't place too much emphasis on tears. But to say something like that out loud has a power I hadn't recognized. Thank you.<br /><br />Martha Joy, that's intriguing about you needing to say it more than he needs to hear it. I feel like when we tell a loved one that they're beautiful we're saying so much more, but we also tell them those things too (ideally)--it's a variation on a theme, and one that carries power, and that's exactly why it can come with internal conflict. And excellent point about how even a positive judgment is a judgment. I try to not be stingy with love, but I find that I have a hard time complimenting just someone's appearance--something specific, sure, but just to say "you're beautiful"--I feel like I'm appraising the person, even though I'm just appreciating them. I think that particularly applies to your third point, about children. I'm sort of wary of praise overall, but in this manner particularly so.Autumn Whitefield-Madranohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379314479257695986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-40482441481556697592011-08-26T09:29:55.304-04:002011-08-26T09:29:55.304-04:00I have at least three things to add to this.
1) ...I have at least three things to add to this. <br /><br />1) It happens to men too. I've told my husband he's beautiful (we have the same gendered use of this word in Norwegian, complete with 'handsome' as the one you're supposed to use about men). He kind of freezes and starts to ponder what exactly it is that makes him beautiful [to me]. And I guess he tries to enhance it, and keep it, and all that. I'd like to add that he's not exactly vain. He's reasonably clean, shaves some days and not others, wear clothes that fits him and buys them himself etc. He wants to be beautiful, but he doesn't see that there are things to do about one's appearance to make him so. Also, I tend to say it when he's naked, so it's not very much he can do about that aspect of it ;)<br /><br />I'm trying not to do this to him anymore, but sometimes, it's overwhelming. I need to say it more than he needs to hear it, even though I know his reaction, and have often reacted that way myself. But. Nowadays, if he says it to me, it's easier for me to just say thank you, or smile. We have a relationship based on trust and love, so there's not this feeling of ... I'm not sure what it's called. Invasiveness? when he says it to me. <br /><br />Also, I feel quite secure in my beauty, such as it is. I don't wear any makeup, but I dress nice and add earrings and a fake flower in my hair, etc. So it's not like I don't care about how I look, it's mostly that I'm allergic to almost everything with perfume and crap in it. Haha ;)<br /><br />The more true reason I don't like make-up, is that I find it oppressive and consider it a waste of money. One of the links you had a week or two ago lead to a story of two british women who swapped beauty regimes for a day. What was most striking about that was the fact that on average, a woman spends 100,000£ on makeup during her life. That's completely insane and it's total bullshit for society to tell women we need to do that.<br /><br />2) Someone who can tell me 'You are X' could just as well be saying 'You are NOT X'. Both sentences are judgemental (not sure if I use the word right here, I hope you catch my drift). This person is evaluating me and saying words that are defining me. That IS uncomfortable, no matter if it's X or NOT X. <br /><br />3) I tried to tell the teachers at daycare that it made my daughter really uncomfortable to be greeted with: 'Good morning, you look so nice today!' I tried to make them say 'Good morning, it makes me happy to see you (today)' which is what I think they were really trying to say. But since girls are encouraged to dress well and be pretty, it's considered acceptable to evaluate them on their appearance EVEN WHEN they are as young as 1 or 2 years old. They did not do this to boys, except when they were exceptionally dressed up (birthdays, etc.). I didn't become aware of her uncomfortable-ness untill she was maybe 2 or 2 and a half. Now she's 4 and LOVES to hear people tell her how beautiful or pretty she is. I kinda hate that, and it makes me sad how little I have been able to influence her in this, even though I've been aware since before she was born.Martha Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02461330577913907626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-42386661664297398492011-08-25T19:45:41.999-04:002011-08-25T19:45:41.999-04:00Do you know what cured me of this? whispering und...Do you know what cured me of this? whispering under my breath to myself 'you are beautiful'. It didn't involve a mirror and it reinforced the fact that beauty actually is about one's spirit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-14898309437848328792011-08-25T07:39:16.481-04:002011-08-25T07:39:16.481-04:00Yeah. This is why I intensely dislike those suppos...Yeah. This is why I intensely dislike those supposedly empowering sites that claim that EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL. Apart from being not true, this notion is terribly reductive, and reinforces the idea that women's only value is is in their beauty.Fish Monkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15513113946225645783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-42679586569126652402011-08-24T23:29:49.598-04:002011-08-24T23:29:49.598-04:00Lovely post. I loved your thoughts on performing p...Lovely post. I loved your thoughts on performing pretty, and how the performance almost inevitably kills whatever endearing, natural thing we are doing that our significant other found so captivating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-63538285034094377432011-08-24T16:40:21.837-04:002011-08-24T16:40:21.837-04:00I completely agree with what Frances Joy, it makes...I completely agree with what Frances Joy, it makes me uncomfortable too and this is beautifully articulated. Not that I can remember the last time I was told i was beautiful. I have gone to some effort to make it known that i prefer specific compliments rather than sweeping statements because they make me feel less self conscious. I can wholeheartedly agree that a dress emphasises my shape, or that the dimples in my cheek are cute, but tell me that I am sexy or beautiful or even pretty and I end up feeling awkward.Francahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05495421838862275042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-42396410340033562882011-08-24T10:40:59.289-04:002011-08-24T10:40:59.289-04:00So this post is beautiful. This is so amazingly w...So this post is beautiful. This is so amazingly written and so TRUE! I've always struggled to express why I feel so uncomfortable when someone says "You're beautiful" but this pretty much sums it up perfectly.Frances Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16130684780263355948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-45289366066798211062011-08-24T09:52:08.022-04:002011-08-24T09:52:08.022-04:00Beautifully written!
"the very act of obser...Beautifully written! <br /><br />"the very act of observation changes that which is being observed" - the crux of why I never really "got" acting. I performed...but as soon as I got in to character, I started observing myself, and then suddenly started sucking.Cameohttp://www.vergingonserious.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5689865906513225949.post-67782458156787330842011-08-24T08:20:36.026-04:002011-08-24T08:20:36.026-04:00so let me be the first one to say that you write b...so let me be the first one to say that you write beautifully.<br /><br /><br />A tip which I just got from a friend of mine for self review ( I don't plan to do it though ) is to mediate.<br /><br />cheers,vishalhttp://www.iamvishal.comnoreply@blogger.com