Tuesday, March 8, 2011

...and Shimmy!

I've worked in ladymags for nearly a dozen years now.

I've read all of the issues of the magazines I've worked for cover to cover, because that is what I am paid to do.

I've read about every new cellulite treatment, nineteen different ways to apply liquid eyeliner, cream blush versus powder blush versus gel blush versus bronzer.

I have read beauty stories that reached so far into the annals of beauty tips—for gentlewomen, I come to tell you that truly, there are only so many ways to wash your face, straighten your hair, and apply mascara—that at one point, I copy edited a real piece of writing in a real ladies' magazine that really suggested that in order to get "a glowy effect," grown women should apply lotion to their backs, take a piece of Saran Wrap, sprinkle it with glitter, wrap it around one's body, and shimmy.

These magazines are also obsessed with sex. Sex with men.

So why is it that in twelve years I've never read a quick fix for beard burn?


  1. Teatree oil followed by tinted moisturizer

  2. Zuba, I'm envisioning a beauty tipsheet for randy ladies. We can package it with "The Shack Pack," my yet-to-be-designed kit that has everything a lady might need were she to perhaps anticipate not finding herself not in her own bed for an evening. (I learned better things from my 20s, to be sure, but this is marketable!)

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